Title: A Doggone Good Time
Characters: Jamie Madrox, Julio Richter, and mentions others.
Rated: R for icky language
Disclaimer: I don’t own. And looking at this…that’s probably a good thing. XD
Summary: It’s Ric’s first day back at work, and things don’t exactly go all that smoothly. This is forbetterthanlegos.
A dog suddenly leapt from the bushes and skittered down the sidewalk between the two men -- a small little tan coloured Chihuahua with its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its eyes practically bulging out of its head. Jamie and Rictor watched it for a few moments, and cursed when the little pup quickly changed its form into that of a German Shepherd. It ran across the street and dove through a pile of garbage cans and around a building.
Rictor groaned. “I freaking hate dogs.”
Jamie just rolled his eyes and broke out into a run to chase it, grabbing Ric by the elbow as he did so. “Just get your ass moving.”
The Mexican scowled as the two men sprinted toward the apartment complex across the street. In just the few seconds that they had been chasing her, Jenny had managed to literally tear apart all the piles of garbage on the property, and Ric and Jamie had to leap over it to keep from crashing all over the place.
“Watch your feet!” the Multiple Man yelled back at the shoeless Rictor.
“Fuck, you think I’m worried about my feet!?” he scoffed and came to a stop when the dog-girl pulled a U-turn and started walking straight toward them. Rictor gulped. “I’m more worried about puking.”
“Uhm,” Jamie held onto Rictor’s elbow as the dog stalked forward and changed its form into something even bigger. “Jenny! We’re…uhm…friends! Your grandma is looking for you!”
The dog bared its teeth and let out a snarl. Ric slipped behind Jamie and peaked over his shoulder. “I think she’s mad.”
“I think so, too,” Jamie started walking backwards with his hands held out in front of him. “Jenny, listen. My name is Jamie, and this…” he got cut off by the girl letting out a furious bark. “Uhm…this…is J-Julio. And w-we’re just going to take you home…”
“Screw it!” Rictor yelled and grabbed Jamie’s forearm as he spun and took off in a run. The moment both men began their dash, the canine picked up speed and gave chase. They leapt back over the mountains of garbage bags and went right for the chain linked fence on the other side of the yard.
“Ric! We’re supposed to take her home, not run from her!” Jamie panicked as the leapt up and began to scale over.
“I don't care!” Rictor yelled and tightened his grip when the dog snapped and snagged the bottoms of his pants. His body dragged down the fence, but he was able to maintain his grip as she pulled. “Dios, Jamie! Help me!”
Madrox jumped down to the other side of the fence and stomped his foot to produce a handful of dupes. Two of them jumped up to grab Ric’s hands while another let a wild grin pass along his lips.
“Crikey she’s a bigg'un! If we sneak up real quietly, we’ll be able to get on her back and trap her! All I have to do is get behind her and grab her by the neck!”
Rictor’s eyes widened as the other two dupes pulled him over. “You have a Crocodile Hunter Dupe!? What the freakin’ hell, man!?”
Jamie just watched in horror as the adventurous dupe scaled over the fence and dove onto the girl. Immediately she lost her focus on Ric, and tried to bite him. Her slobbering lips snapped open and shut at him, but he was determined to jump on her back. The Mexican just watched on with morbid interest and scratched his head. “Uh, should we help him?”
“No way!” another cowering Jamie sobbed. “I hate dogs so much! Oh my gosh, they terrify me! When I was little, I got bit by a dog once. I never ever forgot it either. It’s haunted me my whole life, and because of it I’ve never been able to have a pet. Not a dog, a cat, a horse, a bird, or even a goldfish!”
“You’re such a liar!” one of Rictor’s rescuers accused, pointing a finger in the crying Jamie’s face. “You have an excuse for everything! All you ever try to do is justify your silly reactions, and I won’t fall for it!”
"Shut up,” Jamie Prime scolded.
“Crikey I got her!” adventurous Jamie screamed as he held tightly onto the decorative neck piece the girl was wearing. She was jumping around and flailing like a bull, but the dupe was determined not to let her go.
“Okay, so what do we do?” Rictor asked as he neared the fence. “Should we climb back over?”
“I got her, don’t you worry! Just stay back and let the pro handle this!” the flailing dupe assured.
“Uhm...” Jamie Prime scratched his head.
The girl let out a terrifying snarl as she shifted forms once more, and that time she resembled something akin to a rottweiler. She smashed her head into the fence repeatedly, and each time she did it, the men jumped back another foot. It was not very secured at the bottom posts, and the force behind her weight began to snap the ties.
“Somebody help me!” scaredy-dupe wailed and clutched onto Jamie Prime tightly. “I don’t wanna die this way! I never got to do anything fun!”
Jamie just glared and reabsorbed him before grabbing Rictor’s wrist. “We should run!”
“Agreed!” Rictor nodded wildly and they took off in a sprint across the next yard. They got only about twenty feet before a large crash was heard. Ric looked over his shoulder and watched in horror as the dog dug its way under the fence, and the adventurous dupe was knocked out as he was pulled face first into a post. The dog clawed and snapped its way through, and in a matter of seconds it was free and chasing them. “
“Tree!” Jamie pointed to a large oak at the end of property. He quickly reabsorbed his last two duplicates as he and Ric neared it, and it slowed down his pace. Well, shit, when Ric saw an opening he was going to take it, dammit! He pushed Jamie out of the way and ran at the tree himself. Jumping up, he grabbed the two lowest branches and climbed up.
“Rictor, you dick!”
“Sorry, Jamie! Will of survival and all that good stuff,” he shrugged and grimaced as his bare feet scraped up the rough bark. The dog was not too far away by that point, and Jamie had just enough time to jump up and climb behind Rictor. Jenny wasn’t far though, and grabbed Jamie by the back of the jacket. The Multiple Man yelped and wrapped his arms tightly around Ric’s waist as he was pulled back, and the Mexican cursed. “Shit, Jamie!” Julio scrambled to keep his grip around a branch as they swayed over the ground. Jenny shook her head back and forth viciously as the trench tore. “Take your jacket off, you idiot!”
“I can’t do that without letting go!” Jamie yelled at him.
“Well let me go!” Rictor clenched his jaw and fought to work around his sweating palms as they began to slip along the bark. “I can’t hold onto both of us!”
“If I die, you’re coming with me!” Jamie screamed. “This is all your fault!”
“You took the case!” Rictor snapped.
“Only because you were an ass and broke your room!”
“I was drunk!” Rictor defended.
“Yeah, ‘cause you’re a baby and got in a fight with your boyfriend!”
Rictor glared. “Fuck you! He’s not my boyfriend, you jerk!”
“Holy shit!” Jamie yelled as his legs slipped and dangled into the air. Jenny kept tugging on his coat, and the lessened leverage made the weight around Rictor’s hips increase. Sweat poured down the Mexican’s forehead and his arm muscles shook under the pressure. “Just hold on a little longer…”
“You’re pulling my pants down, you asshole!” Rictor panicked and dug his nails into the bark. “I can’t hang on if you…”
Jamie grabbed onto Rictor’s shirt and tried to climb up his body, but the struggling made Ric sway and let go. Both men tumbled down to the ground screaming, and landed in a massive pile of dupes from the impact. Four of the clones were thankfully brave enough to try prying the dog off of Jamie’s coat. Rictor scrambled to get up, but a dupe tackled him down.
“Stay on the ground, young Julio! I will protect you and your innocence!”
Rictor slapped a hand against the clone’s face and struggled to push him off. “Get the hell offa me, you idiot!”
“Ah!” Jamie Prime screamed helplessly as Jenny dragged him across the grass by his coat. Her form shifted into something larger and fiercer looking – maybe a mastiff of some sort – and she ran backwards at full speed as she took off with him. Rictor’s eyes widened and he threw the dupe off of him to get his friend back.
“Hey, you stupid dog! Let him go! Shit!” he picked up a rock and threw it towards the girl and smacked her right between the eyes. Jenny went cross eyed for a few moments, and slowed her pace enough to allow Rictor to jump on top of Jamie. The Mexican held onto his thighs tightly and tried to ignore the fact that the other guy’s crotch was in his face.
“She won’t drop me!’ Jamie yelped.
Rictor turned his head and watched as half of the dupes from earlier stood standing around like a bunch of useless morons, while the other half had bothered to chase them down. The Mexican tried to dig his feet into the ground to slow them, but was dismayed to find they were now being dragged through a slimy puddle of dark mud.
“Ew! That is freakin' sick!” he yelled.
Thankfully though, Jenny was just as able to manoeuvre in the substance as they were; her back paws slipped out from underneath of her and she dropped the men as she skidded through the dirt. A massive spatter flew as she flailed, and the men were showered in the mess. Of course, that didn’t matter much seeing as how her dropping them caused them to roll and tumble as well, and they became a messy tangle of muddy limbs.
“Are you okay!?” a dupe screamed from the distance.
Rictor opened his eyes to see Jamie’s face only inches from his, and he shoved him off. “Get off!”
“Gladly!” Jamie Prime spat, and scrambled to stand up. He reached down to help Ric up as well, but the two only found their legs flying out from under them as they leaned their weight on each other.
“Shit!” Rictor screamed when he landed on his back.
“Crap! She’s coming back!” Jamie panicked and crawled through the puddle until he was on dry enough ground to climb back up to his feet. Rictor followed as quickly as he could, and the two men dashed across the grass again. However their wet and muddy clothes only seemed to weigh them down.
“I hate you so god damn much!’ Rictor hollered at his boss and tried to force himself not to puke. As if his day didn’t start off bad enough already! He was sick and hung over and still drunk and was trying to be busy angsting and self loathing, but no! He had to go to freaking work and make it even worse! Didn’t he ever get a break!? His life sucked!
“No more dogs, no more dogs, no more dogs, no more dogs,” Jamie chanted as they made a break for the building. Maybe someone would be nice and let them hide in there!
Jenny had other plans though. She lunged at the back of Rictor’s leg and grabbed a generous mouthful of his jeans. He was pushed foward by his ass and yelped as he flailed through the air and fell. Jenny shook her head back and forth and a loud tearing sound made Ric’s eyes widen. He swore if his ass and balls weren't still in place he was gonna shoot that damn dog in the head, little girl or not!
“I got ya, fella!” a dupe ran and tackled the dog while another Jamie grabbed Rictor under the arms and lifted him up to his feet. Ric clutched onto the clone as they scrambled away from Jenny. Craning his neck, he tried to get a look behind himself at the damage done to his pants. It caused him to run around in a couple of panicked circles until the dupe grabbed him by the shoulders. “Need a hand?”
“What’d she do to me!? Am I bleeding!?”
“No, but your pants are ripped,” he smirked and stood behind him. “I’ll cover you!”
“Thanks,” Ric muttered.
It took about five clones in total to subdue Jenny. One of them used the shoelaces from his own boot to tie off her mouth, while the rest pinned her to the ground. Jamie Prime panted tiredly as he approached them, and he clapped one on the shoulder. “Good job, boys.”
“Well that was not the least bit intellectually stimulating,” the dupe holding Jenny’s hind legs complained. “Who’s up for some Euchre?”
“You kidding?! My heart rate is through the roof! We haven’t got a workout that great in weeks,” another argued.
“I am so dirty! Ew! That is so disgusting,” the one grabbing Jenny’s neck yelled angrily. “Do you realize how many germs are on dogs!? Let alone on muddy, slobbering dogs who can take the shape of girls who go to dirty, rotten public schools?! Ew! I am sickened by this! We should go get our shots!”
“After we return her,” Jamie Prime rolled his eyes and grabbed the girl by the face. “You sure thought you had us tricked, huh girl?”
The dog whined and yelped helplessly and Rictor almost felt sorry for her. Almost. “Where’s her grandma’s place?”
Jamie thumbed over his shoulder. “Two complexes over. I can get the dupes to carry her there.”
Rictor nodded and angrily wiped the mud off of his cheek. “Well I hope you’re happy now, Madrox. You fucked up both our mornings!”
Jamie chuckled amusedly as they walked back toward the building. “Welcome back to work. Sure we got a little dirty, but don’t you feel better now that you actually got out of the house? You been cooped up in there and sulking for days!”
“I’d rather brood then do this,” he snapped.
“Feeling any better?” Jamie smirked.
“Oh, kiss my ass!” Rictor yelled. “My headache is like ten times worse and I’m pretty sure I’m only gonna end up blowin’ chunks the rest of the day! Sick people should not roll and do somersaults!”
“Rictor?” the dupe behind him asked.
“I bet your butt would look great in some Nitran shorts,” he mused.
“Ugh,” Jamie Prime slapped his hand against his face, and Rictor just grumbled angrily as they stormed up the steps of the apartment building and headed towards Jenny’s door. When they reached the proper room number, Jamie ordered all of the dupes to place the girl down on the floor, and he quickly reabsorbed all the remaining duplicates before knocking on the grandmother’s door. The older woman opened up after just a few seconds, and she smiled happily when she saw them.
“Oh you boys are so wonderful! You brought my Jenny home!” she clapped her hands together and Rictor resisted the urge to tell her to shove it. She was a small, frail looking woman with thick rimmed glasses, a cardigan sweater, and a floral print dress; that would have just been mean.
“Yep, safe and sound,” Jamie forced a smile and pointed for the girl to go inside. He quickly untied her mouth, and she crawled into the apartment before shape changing back into her human form and scampering off to her bedroom. Jamie just watched her go, trying to keep the obvious glare off of his face.
“Well I suppose I should invite you all in for your pay,” she replied cheerily and held the door open for them. “I’ll just be a few moments.”
The old lady slowly walked back into her apartment to hunt for her purse, so Jamie and Rictor silently stepped inside. The old soldier in Julio practically forced him to look the place up and down for anything out of place, and he was disgusted to see how utterly perfect it was. Framed photographs of Jenny in just about every form she had surrounded the apartment, amongst a seemingly endless amount of toys – dog toys and children’s toys. How the hell did a little old lady keep a handle on a kid that was so easily able to knock both Jamie and Rictor around? He had no idea.
“Here is a cheque for two thousand,” the woman replied happily. Jamie’s eyes practically bulged out of his skull, and he took it just to double check.
“Wow, that’s way more than the amount we discussed!”
“Who cares,” Rictor snapped and folded his arms.
“You boys went through all that trouble, I don’t mind,” she smiled warmly. “I know my Jenny can be a handful, but she really is such a good girl. She’s just misunderstood because she’s a mutant. And I know you wonderful mutant boys are just so kind, helpful, and understanding.”
Rictor just clenched his jaw and stared at her.
“Uh, thanks,” Jamie shook his head and pocketed the cheque. “If you ever need anything else, just feel free to give us a call.”
“Oh I will,” she winked at him. “A couple of wonderful men like you around? I can get used to that.”
Ric’s nausea returned and he shuddered. “Let’s go, amigo." Jamie nodded and bid the woman farewell, and they both turned toward the door to leave. However, they did not even get two steps before Rictor felt the unmistakeable hand of the old woman grabbing his ass through the large hole in his pants. He literally jumped in the air spun around to glare at her. “¿Que? Hijo de puta!”
“You shouldn’t walk around like that, young man,” she scolded playfully. “Makes us older folk too excited.”
Rictor gave her an incredulous look, but Jamie grabbed him before he could retort. “Well you don’t wanna get this one too excited either, ma’am.”
“You know, they say people only wear black underwear when they want it to be seen,” she winked at him, and the Mexican nearly gagged.
“Well I sure as hell ain’t wearin’ it for you, cabrona!”
“Rictor,” Jamie warned. “Don’t mind him, ma’am, he and his husband are having a disagreement at home, so he’s a bit touchy.” Rictor lifted his hand to smack Jamie, but Madrox shoved him out the door and waved at the old woman. “Bye!”
“I hate you,” he sulked. “I quit. I’m firing myself and I’m moving out and I’m never talking to you again!”
Jamie just rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his muddy pockets. “Well I just won’t sign the divorce papers then, dear.”
“Argh!” Ric threw his hands in the air and stormed ahead of him. “I’m taking the rest of the day off! And if you ever make me go back to that bag’s house again, I’ll burn our house down! And then I’ll-- I’ll punch her lights out!”
“Even you aren’t mean enough to do that!” Jamie called, laughter filling his voice.
Julio grumbled and clenched his fists. “I’m never waking up again. And I freaking mean it this time, too.”
Go to chapter seventeen.